I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
