beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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