mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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