Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
