Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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