me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
