He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
