I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
