what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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