Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
