oh god the rape fog is back!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
