is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Congratulations! We have a period
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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