i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
