i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You are a genius and a whore.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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