sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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