Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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