this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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