I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
