I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
