That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
