Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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