Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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