I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
