I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
