I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
