So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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