All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
