I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
