You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
