I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
