I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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