JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
