Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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