Pappa wants mamma naked
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
