thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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