Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
