Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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