she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
