Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
