I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
