Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Terrible idea I love it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
