Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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