she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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