you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Everyone says I win the strip club
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
