Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
