Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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