My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
