ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
