After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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