Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
