We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
