Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
